Thursday, September 1, 2011
6 Days Old
What a crazy six days it has been! I am so exhausted, we all are. This is all so hard. It is so hard to not be able to rest after you have a baby. It is so hard to have to walk from one hospital to another to visit your baby who should be in the room with you. Every day gets harder and harder. Today I really feel so beat. I entered the NICU this morning with hope. It was a new day and I felt 100% that Levi was going to do better and his numbers were going to go up. I told myself that over and over so that I would really believe it and I prayed and prayed and prayed. Shortly after we got there his numbers steadily went up and up to closer to where they needed to be and were staying pretty good for awhile. I just sat there thanking God over and over for bringing it up and blessing us. After awhile, his numbers just went back down; then right before we were leaving for the night, another number started going down. He was bringing it back up but it was going up and down. That number has been good the whole time he has been there, I don't know why these things are happening. I feel so beat. It is physically exhausting trying to keep my hope and trying to keep my faith that he will pull through. I know he will get through this, I know God is working on a miracle and molding our family, but it is so hard. I don't feel strong enough to get through this, I just want something positive to happen. It is so painful to sit and listen to the surgeon talk about how small and immature his lungs are. His left lung is so tiny and has so far to go. I just want him to get better. I just want to bring him home and show him his room. I just want our family to be together at home. I am trying to hard to be strong. I can't do this without God and I pray that He will give me the strength I need and help me to stay hopeful.
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Becca, I ache for you. I HOPE so much that you get good news soon and that things stay good. Praying all the time.
ReplyDeleteas the wife of a former NICU RN, i heard of babies like Levi so often but they were nameless folks I didn't even know, and it still hurt my heart so badly. Now, knowing your family, and witnessing this even closer to home, I really just feel consumed with praying for you all constantly. You're so loved, and that precious boy is touching lives everywhere. I'm praying for healing and good news and strength while you are waiting.
ReplyDeleteShedding tears with you Becca. I can't imagine what your dealing with, but I know God knows and He is with you to be your strength, your hope, comfort and peace. Some words from the Bible study I was working on last night.
ReplyDelete"Trust a BIG GOd who can answer BIG prayers with BIG results." I am having to walk in this myself as I am expecting again after 4 losses in a row. The fear has been paralyzing at times, but even in my sleep last night, God spoke these words to me, and now I share them with you. Persisting in prayer for Levi and your whole precious fam!