Bringing Up Boys

Today Levi would have been three months old. I should be taking his pictures and getting them out to all of our family like we did with Caleb. No parent should ever lose a child. No parent should ever have to go without being able to bring their baby home from the hospital or without being able to celebrate with each new month of life. What I hate so much is that Caleb has to go through all of this too. Some days he seems fine and other days he doesn't. He sees babies out places and he says he wishes he had a baby brother and he wishes that baby was his brother. He knows that he still has a brother, but he wants his to be here. I hate this for him. We will be celebrating Caleb's fifth birthday in just a couple of weeks and I hate that we have to do that without Levi in our arms. I am so thankful for all of the time we have had with Caleb and for the seven weeks we had with Levi, but it is never enough. I am journaling my feelings which is emotional and sometimes people misinterpret those feelings. We have not lost our joy. We can have joy every day because we know the truth and we know what the future holds for us, but we can also grieve and have joy at the same time. While we are here though, we are going to do our best to give Caleb exactly what he needs and raise him the way we believe God wants us to. We are going to try to show love to others and fulfill the purposes that God has given us. Our family journey became a different kind of journey with much more pain when Levi left us, but it is part of our journey now and we can not avoid it. We are forced to live the rest of our lives here without Levi and that is something that will never go away, there will not be another day on this Earth that we get to spend with Levi, but we will walk through this journey as a family, clinging to God, and we will keep our hope all of our days. Nothing will change, we will serve the LORD.