Sunday, August 26, 2012

Happy Birthday in Heaven

Today has really been a day. We woke up to wonderful news that our newest niece was born late last night. It was a little emotional to wake up to such big new like that on Levi's day. I was sitting in the hospital that night a year ago laboring and waiting to meet our miracle baby. I guess he decided he wanted to wait until the 26th. We are thrilled that sweet Mila is here safe and healthy though.

We started the morning out at church. We all wore our matching Levi shirts. A few friends of ours were also wearing their Levi shirt. It meant so much that we have friends who remember our boy with us and support us every day through this journey. After church, we started preparing for Levi's birthday party. We decided to do an ice cream party because we thought that would be fun for everyone, also we just didn't really know what else to do. Levi is a part of our family every single day. Not a day goes by that we don't talk about him and we try to include him in everything. Oh, I miss that baby so much. Lots of our friends and family showed up at the park to celebrate Levi and his short life with us on Earth. I can't express how much it means to us. So many people act like Levi never existed, I think because they are scared to talk about him. The people close to us know how much we love him and love talking about him though.

This day has been wonderful and difficult. I am so happy to have a special day just for Levi, just to celebrate him and turn the entire day into a day all about him. It is so hard to do all of this without him here, though. It is so hard to see all of the women at church who were pregnant with me walking around with their babies. Their babies are all here. It is strange to be around them and know that those are the things Levi would be doing. He would be wobbling around church with them, maybe sucking on his paci. We never heard him cry, maybe we would have been walking to the nursery after the service and hearing him from down the hallway crying for us because he had reached his limit of being away from us. I picture Caleb running to him and hugging him, picking him up to get a good squeeze. And then, I am so thankful for God's promises. I will see that one day. One day, I will hold him in my arms again. I'll let go long enough for Caleb to get his hug. Then we will all have forever together. That is the day my heart is longing for.

Sorry, this post has been all over the place. Big day

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