Bringing Up Boys

Today was our Celebration of Levi's life. The service was absolutely perfect. Well, as perfect as something like this could be. Our pastor did a great job and I really felt like it was a celebration of Levi and the impact his short life on Earth has had on all of us. I felt like it was a celebration for his homecoming. I am so sad because I miss that sweet boy so badly. I am so sad because of all of the things I never got to do with him and will never be able to do. I am so happy though, that he is in heaven and will never have to experience the suffering that we are going through right now. I am so happy that he is with Jesus who loves him even more than we do (although I cannot understand how that is even possible). I am so overwhelmed with this journey through grief that we are at the very beginning of. I wish we did not have to do this, but we have no choice. We just have to go with it and cling to each other as a family and cling to our Father along the way. I do know that everything is going to be ok and we will get through this. It is so hard to understand that this is a short time, because all we know is this life. But, when we get to heaven it will be forever and our time on Earth will have been nothing in comparison to eternity with Jesus and all of the ones we love. I know that Levi is fine in heaven. I know that he is loved and it will be no time at all to him before we are there with him. I know he has two other siblings there with him and I wonder what they are all doing there while waiting for us. I can't wait to get there and scoop them all up and love on them. But right now we have to stay here. We have to keep going and stay together. We will forever stay faithful to the Lord and forever show Caleb how much we love him. I have no idea what to do now. I have no idea what is right in this process. To put it bluntly, this sucks. I do know that even though this is absolutely horrible for us all, we will be ok and it is all temporary. I hope that our Levi will never be forgotten and that he has changed many people's lives. I know that he has had an impact on so many already and as hard as it is to say, if just one person comes to know Jesus through us and our Levi, he has done something amazing with his time here. That is more important that him being here. I hate it, but I have to admit that. It has been a long day and I am probably rambling at this point, but I really want to try and keep going with this blog because it is not just about Levi (despite the fact that it has been all about him for the most part), it is about our family and now that includes the journey through grief and losing our sweet baby.