Saturday, April 14, 2012

6 months

It has been 6 months now since Levi left us. It is so strange. It feels as if it was only yesterday and at the same time it feels as if it has been much longer. I know that sounds insane. The memory of that first night, the next day, is so vivid and it seems like only yesterday. I don't think that will ever change. But, it also feels like it has been an eternity since I held him. I hate that. I just was to hold him so badly. I just want to love on him. I don't have any part of him here to just hold. I can hold his blanket or stuffed bear but I can't hold him. I can't wait to see him again. I long for the day when our family is back together. And meeting the other babies that we lost for the very first time? I can only imagine. I think we are all doing ok. As best as possible, anyway. We have been to counseling. We still struggle. There are some things that are so incredibly hard. Sometimes, the people we love aren't very understanding and that makes it harder, but everyone I know who has lost a child says the same thing so i think that is just part of this journey, feeling alone. We are working through everything together and still taking things as they come, one day at a time. If you could, please pray for us. Specifically, that God would help us deal with those things that are the hardest. Because Michael and I both want to work through that, but it feels like we never will sometimes.

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