Thursday, October 6, 2011

40 Days On ECMO (Day 41)

I feel like I need a chart that I can just sort of rank all of Levi's numbers on for each day for everyone. I try to run through everything each day when I write on here but I'm always thinking I might miss something. Sats were just ok this morning; they were hanging out between 87 and 94 so that's not bad but not really good either. They were much better in the later day staying more between 90 and 100. The flow was around .450 all day. Our X-ray was white again, UGH! Apparently he lost his breath sounds last night and got them back this afternoon. Hopefully he will have good air on the next X-ray. He hasn't been able to get rid of his Co2 on his own. Even if we can go down on the flow, we still have to be able to go down on his gas sweep to get off ECMO. We will just keep praying for this to all get better soon.

Today we took Caleb with us to the hospital. We usually take him with us one or two days a week and then try to have someone else bring him another day or two. He was looking at Levi and talking to him and then he turned and asked me, "Mommy, when will Levi get to come home?". Oh, my goodness! It hurts so bad. All I could say was, "I don't know". I hate this. I felt so sure that Levi was going to pull through and amaze everyone as soon as he was born and I have never told Caleb anything different than he is going to come home. It's not that I haven't thought about this, he just hasn't asked this question yet and it hurts me so bad that Levi isn't better yet. Caleb has no idea just how sick he is and that the odds are against Levi. I haven't wanted to tell him anything different because I have been believing that God is going to heal Levi. I haven't given up and I refuse to, but this is all so hard. I am so frustrated! My child should not have to deal with this. It took him awhile after the last miscarriage I had for him to understand that he wasn't getting a brother or sister and now he has a brother who is extremely sick in the hospital. The circuit is starting to get clots in it and Levi isn't better. I can't help it; I am scared. I never wanted to do this. I am not strong enough for this. I DO still believe in a miracle for Levi. It is hard because I know without a doubt that God is able to heal Levi and turn it all around, but here we are and Levi is not doing good at all. I don't want to lose him. I love him so much. I don't want Caleb to lose his brother. It has taken so long to get him here, I can't stand the thought of Caleb not getting to keep him, of us not getting to keep him. I just keep praying and praying that God will keep him here with us. I am probably rambling on and on, I have just had an emotional day. I suppose that is all for now.


  1. "For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [not weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty fo God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds, Inasmuch as we refute arguments and theories and reasonings and every proud and lofty things that sets itself up against the [true] knowledge of God; and we lead every thought and purpose away captive into the OBEDIENCE OF CHRST. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 AMP

    What did the Lord say to you about His plan for Levi? "Life for Levi". Take every other thought, theory, argument captive and require it to obey God's truth. You are strong, Becca, but only because it is Jesus who holds you and His power surges through you. Rest in His truth.

    I am praying that your rest comes from Him, that peace will again flood you and you can stand firm in the promise He spoke to you. The SAME POWER that raised CHRIST from the dead IS IN LEVI.... that means that no matter how negative and scary the natural looks.... God's breath is in Him and not even a spirit of death can defy God's purpose and plan for your son. Take each thought that enters your mind that does not align with God's words to you and put it in handcuffs/chains...take it captive! Tell the thoughts, "No! That is not the truth! God said Life for Levi!"

    The King of Kings is faithful!! He WILL do what he said. The enemy on the other hand wants to distract you and magnify the natural. But we are not subject to him or his tactics. Resist his lies and he will flee.

    God said, "So stand still and see this great thing the Lord will do before your eyes now!" 1 Samuel 12:16. THAT is His heart. Stand on that. Take thoughts captive to that.

    I love you and am praying around the clock.

  2. Praying for Levi and for you all! For a very good day, with good sats and a decrease in ECMO support.
    Mom to Dakota 12-25-2008
    RCDH/Premie/ECMO survivor

  3. Still praying...check back daily. May the Lord our Almighty God place His healing hands on this sweet sweet baby. He is SO loved, here on earth and in the heavens above. May God bless you and keep you and give you the strength to carry on...we are faithful He is in control and may His hands heal sweet Levi.

  4. Still praying for your sweet family. Wanted you to know that everyday my kids write in their prayer journal while we are doing school. We pick a certain area to pray about for the entire week. Last week was Pastor Buddy and his family, the week before that was our Children's Ministry at church.....This week we choose Levi! While I will still be praying for him on my own I wanted to get the kids involved too. God hears the cries of little ones and I know that he wants your precious one to feel the power of prayer surrounding him. Hang in there!

  5. Thinking of Levi daily. The pain and fear that you are feeling... I know it and I am so sorry. It is the most indescribably awful place. I pray that you have an outcome like we got with our Sam. Sending you strength.
    mama to Samuel, lcdh survivor born Feb1/11