Thursday, September 29, 2011

Day 34

I feel like I have been on the edge of breaking down all day. I just want it all to get better now. Tomorrow Levi is 5 weeks old. This is all too hard. I don't want to do it anymore but I have to keep fighting and keep going. I can keep going to the NICU for a long time, I just need some progress to keep me going. I really don't mind basically living at the hospital, it is just so hard to sit there and things aren't getting better.

Levi's flow was up and down between .460 and .500 all day. We saw his X-ray from this morning and it was actually a little better than yesterday. I expected it to be worse with him having lost his breath sounds. They continued steroids today and started him on the nitric. They also turned the vent settings up a little (they were on rest settings) to see if that would help encourage him to open those lungs. This evening when the nurse bagged and suctioned him there were bloody secretions. He has has pink tinged before but it hasn't been this bad. This happened twice. Please pray that this stops. I feel so overwhelmed because there is so much to pray for. All in all, we just pray for healing but there are so many things involved with the baby steps and I am just so overwhelmed.

So, we need the bleeding in his lungs to stop, we need his lungs to open up and fill with air, we need the hypertension in his lungs to go away. We need sats to get good and stay good. We need blood gases to be good. There is so much, so I guess tonight I will just pray for the big picture, healing. This is so hard. Father, please heal Levi!

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